Healing from trauma is just as weird as the memes and posts say.
It’s literally one step forward, two steps back.
And the triggers. Man, they suck.
The worst is when you think you’ve worked through a trigger and then, in a moment you realize you haven’t. The whirlwind of emotions that comes is not a good time. Pain, hurt, shame, anger. All at once.
Having to talk myself off a ledge like that is a whole new battle.
Nick. Nicholas. Nicholas tucker. Smh!
There will be countless posts that involve this man, but the intro or history or whatever you want to call it will likely be the longest, and sappiest. Sorry, not sorry.
Shady’s lounge. A going away party for Nick starting a work- from -home job. A harmless, fun night out to relieve emotional stress after my trip home and a crazy work week right after.
Nolan. What a guy. Sure, “hoe keeper” sounds kinda bad BUT it’s all in good fun and fairly accurate.
Nolan entered scene around the end of Feb 2021. It was my ex’s bday, Mardi Gras should have been happening (but wasn’t.), and I was ready for a visit home to see my godchild. All that to say I needed a friend more than ever. The guy mentioned in the prev post has ghosted me at this point (on his own accord, he needed distance).
I met a few guys in the first few months that I was in Colorado, but not many that are worth writing about. I never truly believed in “the rebound” before but, shit, I do now. One guy I encountered in the glorious world of online dating stuck around a while. The amount of mixed emotions that I had to process from this brief situationship still totally blows my mind.
6 weeks into my relocation I had to return home for a family event. I was physically sick from anxiety. My family is wonderful and caring but nosey and judgey occasionally. I wasn’t prepared for countless prying questions. I had nothing to brag about but a bipolar old guy I met at a red light and that I was a 5 star workaholic. I was excelling at my job quickly. I was hungry to prove to my new team that I was worthy of the salary I requested and of their respect as a dependable team member.
Back at the beginning, let’s start with leaving everything and everyone I knew and loved behind. I had no plan until I had THE plan and that plan has turned out beyond my wildest dreams.
August 2020. My now ex-husband moved out of our house and into his girlfriend’s house (just down the street);I sold everything I could and moved the last of what I couldn’t sell into my parents’ house-again.
Pinch me. This is really my life?! How can this even be real?? I ask myself often how I managed to embark on such a huge adventure-totally alone. Trauma. That’s how. Being so broken and Ashamed of yourself that you felt no other option than to start over-totally solo. This journey started in the middle of COVID:year one 2020. Sept of 2020 I hopped a plane with three suitcases and never looked back.