Healing from trauma is just as weird as the memes and posts say.
It’s literally one step forward, two steps back.
And the triggers. Man, they suck.
The worst is when you think you’ve worked through a trigger and then, in a moment you realize you haven’t. The whirlwind of emotions that comes is not a good time. Pain, hurt, shame, anger. All at once.
Having to talk myself off a ledge like that is a whole new battle. “Nick is not him. His words don’t mean the same thing. He doesn’t know what he just did.” But it’s not his fault. Change that narrative.
Processing shit is so hard but there’s no growth in your comfort zone.
I’m super thankful and beyond blessed that Nicholas is so understanding throughout all of my episodes. He leaves me alone with my thoughts when all I want is physical closeness. When I’m ready to talk through what I am/was feeling and why, etc, he’s always willing to listen. It’s helpful that we’ve both been through a little therapy in the past and have been given tools that we can utilize.
It’s never easy but it’s always worth it.